Okay...I'm a LOT battered and bruised in my tailbone area!! I was so excited about using my new exercise ball- I had it about 4 days and only fully used it once (for the whole 2o minute workout on day 1) the other 3 days I was playing around doing sit-ups on it, leg lifts, 1/2 hearted tries at some yoga stuff I found on line with it- but WHY on day 4-DID IT BURST!! Yes, my advertised Anti-burst ball that was supposed to support up to 330 lbs- burst wide open and dropped my behind PAINFULLY onto the FLOOR!! Two days later, I am STILL in pain and IT IT IS HARD TO DO EVERYTHING!! I cannot do most things comfortably- stand, sit, lay down- none of the things a loyal dog could do!! My "support cancer-research pink ball , that was supposed to support up to 330 lbs, made by EVERLAST, purchased for $19.81 from Wal-Mart online site-to-store option "...SUCKS!! I am NEVER buying OR sitting on another exercise ball EVER again. I thought it would support me like the one I used in physical therapy in 2003 -- but this one sucks!!
Now my exercise goals have been further put off because I am uncomfortable doing anything right now!! This really sucks! Tell everyone you know to support cancer research some other way --but PASS ON THE EVERLAST BALL!!
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Dont' count me Out!
HI!
Well, been through a LOT of drama and consequences as a result of my daughter's actions because she wanted to be "friends" with a certain group of "idiot's". Really stressed about it and without regret, I have downed a box of Wal-Mart donuts and Hershey's Cocoa. I know it's not the best thing... but it's what I did and I'm going to start today to make better choices. I think reading over what I have done since starting this blog helps to reinforce the fact that I 've got to do things differently.
The pastor at the church I joined gave a sermon saying we NEED to have good, SUPPORTIVE friends in our lives and my mistake has been cutting myself off from people because I have been hurt so badly by others I have let in and trusted. The truth is there will ALWAYS be those in the world who will use you IF you let them. I am making the decision to make friends but to be more aware of the signs I see that clue me in to whether they are good people or not. I have a bad habit of continuing to trust people even though I have a 'FUNNY FEELING' about them. I will do a better job of monitoring who I let into my life.
Meanwhile, back to the healthy eating stuff. I am starting over and I am NOT going to beat myself up. I 'm back on track and here we go!!
Well, been through a LOT of drama and consequences as a result of my daughter's actions because she wanted to be "friends" with a certain group of "idiot's". Really stressed about it and without regret, I have downed a box of Wal-Mart donuts and Hershey's Cocoa. I know it's not the best thing... but it's what I did and I'm going to start today to make better choices. I think reading over what I have done since starting this blog helps to reinforce the fact that I 've got to do things differently.
The pastor at the church I joined gave a sermon saying we NEED to have good, SUPPORTIVE friends in our lives and my mistake has been cutting myself off from people because I have been hurt so badly by others I have let in and trusted. The truth is there will ALWAYS be those in the world who will use you IF you let them. I am making the decision to make friends but to be more aware of the signs I see that clue me in to whether they are good people or not. I have a bad habit of continuing to trust people even though I have a 'FUNNY FEELING' about them. I will do a better job of monitoring who I let into my life.
Meanwhile, back to the healthy eating stuff. I am starting over and I am NOT going to beat myself up. I 'm back on track and here we go!!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
16 days and still no progress
Hi!
I'm writing in the depths of disgust tonight. I received horrible news about my daughter's behavior at school and I got depressed immediately and what did I do? The only thing I know HOW to do when I get upset... I ate. I can't even remember the last time I went to Taco Bell but after getting bad news today... all I could remember was that there was a Taco Bell nearby. I ordered $10.00 worth of stuff and "stuffed" my face. I was REALLY depressed after that. I didn't work out today AND I waited until 11:30 to cook chicken and stew with rice (two totally different meals) but I ate BOTH of them together because I just had to do something to stop thinking about what my daughter had done. Tomorrow I have to go to my first meeting with my supervisor for my internship and my eyes are swollen and puffy, I feel like crap and I miss having a friend to talk to.
This is the part I hate about being a single-parent, there is no one to TALK to. I need support, but that leads me to feeling depressed because THEN I start to think of support AND companionship, which leads me to wish I had a special gentleman in my life, which leads me to remember the heart-break I got from trusting the "men" in my past, which then leads me to get depressed, which leads to OVEREATING. Then I eat some more, because I already feel bad and I need something to do but the only thing I can think of doing is EATING. Self-sabotage.
I've got paperwork to fill out , but I'm going to bed. I am drained, my daughter is normally a very good child, but she has apparently found a "new group of friends" and she is choosing to be influenced by them. I have worked so hard to teach her to be true to herself. It seems that I'm failing at that too. It's too much for me to talk about, I'm tired and I don't want to see it in writing. I'm giving it to God and taking my hand off of it. I'm drained, hopefully I won't eat again before I go to bed. I can't fit in any of the clothes I just spent over 600.00 for and THAT'S even MORE depressing. I haven't spent money on clothes for me (that cost over $7-10.00 since I got pregnant with my daughter). I'm disgusted that I can't follow an exercise routine for 30 days in a row, when I did it before in the Army. I want to do better, but I just seem to keep finding ways to fail. Ugggghhh!!
I HATE complaining.
r
I'm writing in the depths of disgust tonight. I received horrible news about my daughter's behavior at school and I got depressed immediately and what did I do? The only thing I know HOW to do when I get upset... I ate. I can't even remember the last time I went to Taco Bell but after getting bad news today... all I could remember was that there was a Taco Bell nearby. I ordered $10.00 worth of stuff and "stuffed" my face. I was REALLY depressed after that. I didn't work out today AND I waited until 11:30 to cook chicken and stew with rice (two totally different meals) but I ate BOTH of them together because I just had to do something to stop thinking about what my daughter had done. Tomorrow I have to go to my first meeting with my supervisor for my internship and my eyes are swollen and puffy, I feel like crap and I miss having a friend to talk to.
This is the part I hate about being a single-parent, there is no one to TALK to. I need support, but that leads me to feeling depressed because THEN I start to think of support AND companionship, which leads me to wish I had a special gentleman in my life, which leads me to remember the heart-break I got from trusting the "men" in my past, which then leads me to get depressed, which leads to OVEREATING. Then I eat some more, because I already feel bad and I need something to do but the only thing I can think of doing is EATING. Self-sabotage.
I've got paperwork to fill out , but I'm going to bed. I am drained, my daughter is normally a very good child, but she has apparently found a "new group of friends" and she is choosing to be influenced by them. I have worked so hard to teach her to be true to herself. It seems that I'm failing at that too. It's too much for me to talk about, I'm tired and I don't want to see it in writing. I'm giving it to God and taking my hand off of it. I'm drained, hopefully I won't eat again before I go to bed. I can't fit in any of the clothes I just spent over 600.00 for and THAT'S even MORE depressing. I haven't spent money on clothes for me (that cost over $7-10.00 since I got pregnant with my daughter). I'm disgusted that I can't follow an exercise routine for 30 days in a row, when I did it before in the Army. I want to do better, but I just seem to keep finding ways to fail. Ugggghhh!!
I HATE complaining.
r
Monday, January 14, 2008
Slow and Steady wins the Race
Hi!
Well, gonna jump right in there! I FINALLY did a work-out (Kick-boxing for 20 minutes with Denise Austin) I feel really good when I work out and I'm trying to get my mind wrapped around the reality that I am TIRED of being "SOFT" I have an athletic, muscular, N'Awlins creole- body type. I don't LOOK 300 #'s and THAT's where the danger lies, because I just look like a "thick-misses" with a LOT of "boobies". All my weight sits in the danger zone which is the chest area. I went to Lane Bryant and thought I had found some bra's to fit me (44/46- H) but they are STILL a little tight in the breast area.
I must make a commitment to lose this weight because I want to be here with my daughter and experience life with her. My mother left me (died from breast cancer when I was 18 years old) and I have missed a LOT of experiences that I would have loved to share with her. I feel that losing weight will allow me the opportunity to rid myself of something that could take me away from her too soon.
I would really like to put on an outfit and feel like I did when I was younger. Shoot! I KNOW I am STILL CUTE... but there is just SO MUCH OF ME to wrap that cuteness around. This weight makes my face look tired ALL THE DARN TIME! My lil' "squinty-eyes" look CLOSED when I smile cuz my cheeks push them way too close together! I just want to go back to a healthy and fabulous weight.
I'm lazy with exercise, but my goal this year is to banish self-doubt and self-depraving habits from my life. I really do love me, I've put a lot of work into freeing myself spiritually and emotionally from the abuse I survived during the past twelve years, now it's time to walk in the light of God and be a healthier, happier Rhonda.
Hopefully, others will join me on this post and we can support each other- but if not... I'm gonna figure this out on my own...ACTUALLY I'm gonna listen and let GOD guide me to success by submitting my will to Him and letting go of overeating.
I'm blessed as I come and as I go.
r
Well, gonna jump right in there! I FINALLY did a work-out (Kick-boxing for 20 minutes with Denise Austin) I feel really good when I work out and I'm trying to get my mind wrapped around the reality that I am TIRED of being "SOFT" I have an athletic, muscular, N'Awlins creole- body type. I don't LOOK 300 #'s and THAT's where the danger lies, because I just look like a "thick-misses" with a LOT of "boobies". All my weight sits in the danger zone which is the chest area. I went to Lane Bryant and thought I had found some bra's to fit me (44/46- H) but they are STILL a little tight in the breast area.
I must make a commitment to lose this weight because I want to be here with my daughter and experience life with her. My mother left me (died from breast cancer when I was 18 years old) and I have missed a LOT of experiences that I would have loved to share with her. I feel that losing weight will allow me the opportunity to rid myself of something that could take me away from her too soon.
I would really like to put on an outfit and feel like I did when I was younger. Shoot! I KNOW I am STILL CUTE... but there is just SO MUCH OF ME to wrap that cuteness around. This weight makes my face look tired ALL THE DARN TIME! My lil' "squinty-eyes" look CLOSED when I smile cuz my cheeks push them way too close together! I just want to go back to a healthy and fabulous weight.
I'm lazy with exercise, but my goal this year is to banish self-doubt and self-depraving habits from my life. I really do love me, I've put a lot of work into freeing myself spiritually and emotionally from the abuse I survived during the past twelve years, now it's time to walk in the light of God and be a healthier, happier Rhonda.
Hopefully, others will join me on this post and we can support each other- but if not... I'm gonna figure this out on my own...ACTUALLY I'm gonna listen and let GOD guide me to success by submitting my will to Him and letting go of overeating.
I'm blessed as I come and as I go.
r
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Exercise-No, FAITH- Yes!
Well, I don't know if anyone is checking in anymore but... I'm here for my good and at some point, I'll get there. I have lost about 3 lbs so far, I could have lost more- but I'm falling into familiar self-sabotaging patterns. I have been trying to move more, (more housework/errands than television watching and more dancing).
However, I was stressed out about my internship and where I would go but I decided to do what I know and that is... to LET GO AND LET GOD! and WHEW!!! DID HE DO IT!!! He has placed me in a Christian environment working to help build a non-profit that helps formerly incarcerated persons (F.I.P.'s) find housing and employment!!! Oh! How can I BEGIN to tell you how GOOD GOD IS!! He gave me what I prayed over BUT BETTER!!! So you know what? I'm now in prayer to win this war against overeating. I believe it shall be done, so I'm moving forward on faith.
If anyone is checking this post, please don't give up! I have been (in Mary J.'s words) "To the edge of the ledge...BUT I didn't JUMP!!!" Keep coming back and keep believing in your self, we're not perfect...but we have been given the ability to choose... so choose to keep trying and keep praying and keep moving in a positive direction....every time we try again, we get a little closer to our goal.
Be blessed!
Rhonda
However, I was stressed out about my internship and where I would go but I decided to do what I know and that is... to LET GO AND LET GOD! and WHEW!!! DID HE DO IT!!! He has placed me in a Christian environment working to help build a non-profit that helps formerly incarcerated persons (F.I.P.'s) find housing and employment!!! Oh! How can I BEGIN to tell you how GOOD GOD IS!! He gave me what I prayed over BUT BETTER!!! So you know what? I'm now in prayer to win this war against overeating. I believe it shall be done, so I'm moving forward on faith.
If anyone is checking this post, please don't give up! I have been (in Mary J.'s words) "To the edge of the ledge...BUT I didn't JUMP!!!" Keep coming back and keep believing in your self, we're not perfect...but we have been given the ability to choose... so choose to keep trying and keep praying and keep moving in a positive direction....every time we try again, we get a little closer to our goal.
Be blessed!
Rhonda
Sunday, January 6, 2008
I'm still the only one
Well, this is admittedly discouraging that no one has checked in with my blog for several days. I miss hearing from my one buddy that did leave me a message, but... oh, well. I haven't checked in myself for a few days. I completely fell off the wagon after my financial aid came in. I ate fast food cuz I was out buying furniture for my house from craigslist members. I got great deals but I have spent a LOT of money ( well, a lot for me). I stressed over spending money on furniture instead of filing bankruptcy like I planned to. I'm stressing because I have spent more that $14.00 (way more) so... that triggered the overeating binge and now I 've got a fridge full of Popeyes chicken!!
It's hard to admit that I fail a little everyday BUT it's even HARDER looking in the mirror and seeing more stomach than I had when my daughter was STILL IN IT!! This is a HARD fight and I feel that I must go into prayer and fasting over it. I'm not knowledgeable about fasting but I know in order to break through something that is binding me up, that I must be willing to sacrifice something that means a lot to me and it seems like MEAT is my greatest temptation, especially when it is FRIED- so maybe I'll give THAT up . I don't know... maybe I'll give it up AFTER I finish off the box (shoot, I paid 20.00 for all that chicken and lovely mashed potatoes)
I'm so bad sometimes :) I WANT to lose the weight but I keep letting fast-food win! I have ordered a DVD that comes with the workout ball, I want to see if going really low-impact will make a difference. Although I plan to switch it up some with dancing, Tae-Bo, and the Big Ball workout. My goal is to lose weight... I'll figure it out as I go. Now that I've spent all my money, I can't afford to go to Curves (maybe subconsciously I SPENT all my money on PURPOSE so I COULDN'T go to Curves! HMMMmm- that sounds like something I would do to sabotage my chances of success). I don't know why I continually stand in my own way.
Well, since I'm the only one on this blog... I'll work my way through this on my own. Maybe seeing all of this is print will be my catalyst for change.
Peace
It's hard to admit that I fail a little everyday BUT it's even HARDER looking in the mirror and seeing more stomach than I had when my daughter was STILL IN IT!! This is a HARD fight and I feel that I must go into prayer and fasting over it. I'm not knowledgeable about fasting but I know in order to break through something that is binding me up, that I must be willing to sacrifice something that means a lot to me and it seems like MEAT is my greatest temptation, especially when it is FRIED- so maybe I'll give THAT up . I don't know... maybe I'll give it up AFTER I finish off the box (shoot, I paid 20.00 for all that chicken and lovely mashed potatoes)
I'm so bad sometimes :) I WANT to lose the weight but I keep letting fast-food win! I have ordered a DVD that comes with the workout ball, I want to see if going really low-impact will make a difference. Although I plan to switch it up some with dancing, Tae-Bo, and the Big Ball workout. My goal is to lose weight... I'll figure it out as I go. Now that I've spent all my money, I can't afford to go to Curves (maybe subconsciously I SPENT all my money on PURPOSE so I COULDN'T go to Curves! HMMMmm- that sounds like something I would do to sabotage my chances of success). I don't know why I continually stand in my own way.
Well, since I'm the only one on this blog... I'll work my way through this on my own. Maybe seeing all of this is print will be my catalyst for change.
Peace
Friday, January 4, 2008
Know when to hold 'em...
Kenny Rogers said..."You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run..." I think I'm gonna fold 'em! I'm going to Curves! I was going to try to do this on my own, but I can already see that it's not gonna work. I've slipped up - not as bad as I usually would, but I can see a pattern of late night eating and horribly sporadic sleep patterns (getting up at 6:50 a.m. to get my daughter ready for school, running errands all day then not going to bed until 2-3 a.m. the next morning)- I've GOT to stay OUT of the kitchen after a certain time if I want to have any measure of success. I need the support of a group- so... I made up my mind that a portion of my financial aid from school will go towards helping me lose weight. I can't really afford to do it, but in reality... if I want to LIVE and be HEALTHIER... I really cannot afford NOT to do it.
I have also found out there is a local Overeaters Anonymous chapter in my area, so I think I'm going to give them a try also. I'm not used to going to many places on my own but...heck I said I'm staring down fear and anxiety this year. I'm 37 and there's no reason WHY I feel like I MUST have a companion EVERYWHERE I go.
I'll keep you updated. It's ME v/s the Muffin Top... IT'S GOTTA GO!! I'm "TOO CUTE" to not be able to button my pant - how that relates I don't know, but I DO KNOW that I AM too cute to be carrying around all this unhealthy weight, I want my outer beauty to shine like my inner beauty does! :)
Stay tuned....
I have also found out there is a local Overeaters Anonymous chapter in my area, so I think I'm going to give them a try also. I'm not used to going to many places on my own but...heck I said I'm staring down fear and anxiety this year. I'm 37 and there's no reason WHY I feel like I MUST have a companion EVERYWHERE I go.
I'll keep you updated. It's ME v/s the Muffin Top... IT'S GOTTA GO!! I'm "TOO CUTE" to not be able to button my pant - how that relates I don't know, but I DO KNOW that I AM too cute to be carrying around all this unhealthy weight, I want my outer beauty to shine like my inner beauty does! :)
Stay tuned....
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